Some days I really want a "Do over"

Yesterday was one of those days. The worst part of it was that only one part of yesterday even came as any surprise.

I've got a friend with some serious problems regarding passports, visas, and the like, which wasn't news yesterday because I already knew this was a problem, but the additional news that the sought-after solution was not forthcoming upset me because the problem was caused by someone lying to her. Everyone who currently follows my blog knows the story as well, or better, than I do, so enough said on that score. I'm sure we're all already praying as hard as we can.

I struck out with three different companies trying to secure a donation for a Siberian orphanage full of desperately needy kids (makes orphanages in the US look pretty luxurious) because I can't afford the cost of both the goods and the shipping myself (astronomical shipping costs, even for packages that don't contain dozens of pairs of shoes or coats). The reason? I'm not a non-profit organization, nor do I represent one, so they won't even consider the request. Again, this was not a surprise and I was expecting it, but I had screwed up my courage enough to try anyway because the need is so great and got the door shut in my face. I ended up feeling like no one cares (I know this isn't true, even at these companies) and that my efforts were pointless. That last part can probably be chalked up to the depression I still struggle with every day.

Associated with the last item is the fact that, while I could start a non-profit company here in AZ (and AZ is actually a good place to do so because it's a relatively cheap), it takes time, money, and a whole pile of legal paperwork that I feel completely inadequate to tackle on my own. Kind of depressing, because it really limits what I can do to help.

Lastly, I live on a dead-end road. I live on the corner at the entrance to the street. The house on the other end (same side of the street, but at the cul-de-sac) was broken into yesterday for the third time. The first time the burglars got away with the homeowners' property, the second time the wife was home and chased them off with a kitchen knife. Yesterday, however, two men broke down the front door, at which time they were confronted by the homeowner who shot and killed one of them (the other one got away, and as far as I know is still on the loose). Thankfully the homeowner will not face charges according to the police, which is no surprise given AZ law about both self-defense and firearms but could have been very different in another state. This isn't the only house on our street that has been broken into. The house across the street had a couple punks break down the front door while the owners were out of town. The neighbor heard the racket and called the police, and the police found them stashing the stuff at one the house of one of their grandmothers. They now have a security door and alarm system. We've been lucky - we've never had someone attempt to break into our house. It's not because they're watching to see if anyone is home either, because if that's the case the house at the other end of the street wouldn't have been broken into twice while someone was home. There have been other attempts at other houses as well. Richard and I will be looking into security gates and window bars, but we've talked about it and decided that it might also be a good idea for me to follow the advice a police officer gave me about 6 months ago. In a nutshell, he told me that if I were his wife he'd insist I carry a personal firearm. His reasoning was our proximity to an Indian reservation with a history of violence, which I'm not sure has anything to do with the break-ins in my community, but if someone tried to break down my front door with Galen and I in the house my only option for self-defense is a handgun I've never fired that Richard refers to as "not really reliable." I can't say I like the idea much, but if my other option is being unable to defend myself and my son if someone breaks into my house, I choose to carry a weapon.

I'm still not sure how any of this will play out, but I feel better about a lot of it now that I've put it in writing. I'm hoping the good things about this neighborhood will reassert themselves once the job-market improves. As for the rest, prayer and more prayer, and maybe the answers will make themselves known.

Sneaky moms, savvy dads, and birthday parties

We've been busy lately, or maybe it's just seemed busier than usual because I've been flirting with what I think is a head cold that can't make up its mind. Galen's confidence in writing his number is growing, and the number he fought us the hardest on is actually the one he does the best (3s). I think the large light grey numbers I printed out for him to trace made a big difference, and he actually likes doing them, so I'll be making more of those (and probably doing it for his letters too, once we start basic penmanship. I still need to order the Handwriting Without tears curriculum, but I have a couple questions and I keep forgetting to call during their business hours. The occupational therapist could probably answer one of them for me, but the others are definitely a sales office issue.

On Labor Day, I took Galen to Toys 'R Us, but told him before we left the house that we were looking for something very specific, and if they didn't have it we wouldn't be buying any toys. He was okay with that, or at least accepted that was the way it was going to be. As suspected, they didn't have what I was looking for (Target carries the brand I was looking for, but not in stores, and I didn't want to order them online without getting a closer look). However, I ran into an amazing sale on Thomas Wooden Railway items, including several items I wanted pick up for Galen. Luckily, Toys 'R Us maintains a train table display the kids can actually play with, and Galen was so involved in his play that he never even noticed as I flagged down an employee, who then got a shopping cart and helped me fill it before bringing it to the front of the store for me. He never even looked up from his play. Because I needed to distract him while I paid for the stuff I let him pick out a small LEGO box, and he was so excited about his new LEGOs he never even thought to ask me why we were leaving with an entire shopping cart full of bags. He's mentioned several times how much he would like a shed for his trains and a turntable (he watches Chuggington, which has a setup like that), so he's going to be a very happy boy come Christmas, because one of the items I picked up was Tidmouth Shed with a turntable. Ironic much? He also got Cranky the Crane, the Mine Tunnel, an Over-the-Track signal, and a Water Tower. Right now he pretends his Stop and Go station is a water tower, so he'll be thrilled to see that, and he was playing with the mine tunnel in the display set. Sometimes it's good to be a sneak - now if I can contain my excitement over his excitement long enough to save them for Christmas we're good.

The weekend after that my husband basically gave me a day to myself - I had asked for a couple hours to run an errand I really couldn't run with Galen in tow. When something else came up later, he told me to just go do what I needed to do - I actually felt guilty leaving him on his own with Galen again, but he was in such a good mood after having passed his certification exam the day before, and he knew I needed a break, that he told me not to worry about it because he was enjoying having a day where he had nothing else on his mind except playing with his son. It didn't dawn on me until later than it was September 11, and I probably needed some time to myself more than I realized. For anyone that doesn't already know, I suffer from PTSD as a result of 9-11, and this was a major factor in the depression I've been in treatment for since shortly after my son was born. Don't ever assume that you're better now just because the worst of the immediate symptoms have faded - I could have avoided most of the stress of the last four years if I'd sought treatment when I first realized I was having an abnormally bad time of things. My boss figured it out before I did, actually, and I still didn't seek treatment, even though I knew he was right the minute he brought it up.

Anyway, the day was a good one for me in spite of the sad thoughts that came with it. I think a part of me is still in shock after all this time, but the saddest thing for me is the way we've reacted. I won't say any more about that here.

Yesterday, we attended a birthday party for the next-door neighbor's son. We don't know them very well, but in many ways they are a lot like us. They keep to themselves, they teach their kids to be respectful and polite, and they don't make a lot of noise. In fact, we hardly ever hear them. On occasion their dog barks in the back yard, but not often, and we sometimes hear him listening to some sports event on the radio (or perhaps a portable TV) on the back porch, but otherwise we wave and say hello when we see each other out front. The party was a blast for the kids, and I'm pretty sure the adults had a good time as well. They have a trampoline, and they rented one of those huge blow-up bouncy slides with a pool at the bottom, so the kids, including Galen, were in heaven. Galen was one of the smallest ones there, and I was impressed with how well the older boys watched out for him. Especially on the trampoline after they realized he was a little intimidated with them all jumping around him. This was particularly impressive to me since about a dozen of these boys were on the junior football team the neighbor's son is on (he just turned 8). Some of those boys were pretty solidly built, and they were all bigger than Galen, but they took him in hand and showed him how to jump with them so no one got bounced around too much. One of those boys turned out to be the son of a local politician - we had been talking about the kids with him and his wife for a while before he mentioned that he was our local city councilman. Turns out he's also modest, because he's actually the Vice Mayor. Seems like a nice guy, and his wife is charming as well. I hope I'll run into them again.

That's all for today. Galen is napping, Richard is napping, and my Facebook games are calling me.

The sky is falling

Galen actually took a nap today, with very little fussing other than the usual, "But I don't want to take a nap." He never does. LOL!

Of course I've just realized I've got 15 minutes to make it to an appointment that's about 35-40 minutes away. Sigh. I guess I'll be doing this one by phone. Thankfully it also meant I was home to get the phone call from the gymnastics facility about their program for kids Galen's age. We can't go tonight, but it's nice to know they have a class that should be a good fit for him, and includes two other boys his age.

Time to go wake my sleeping child and head over to the other side of town. Even with the appointment turning into a phone call I need to bring Galen over there so he can participate in a free model build at the LEGO store. I didn't tell him where we were going, so it'll be fun to see his reaction.

We switched

Galen has decided that reading is fun. Of course, this is only because he's starting to "get" it. He's still not convinced he can read a whole book by himself, although I have a couple that he certainly could read on his own. I won't push it for now, but his skills are easily up to reading the first few books in the Bob Books series.

Math seems to also be switched around. Math is hard again, but only because we're trying to learn how to write the numbers, and his fine motor skills are getting a real workout. I was expecting this, so we're taking it slow and I'm supplementing with lots of tracing practice. I know it's not the same as learning to write the numbers, but it gives him practice making the pencil move in the correct pattern, and he's happy to do it. Unfortunately I asked Daddy to oversee that tonight and now I have to teach Galen how to write 5s the correct way, but at least he only did one line. It's my own fault for forgetting to make sure Daddy knew to have him draw the top line last.

I've been surprised by the number of things that are so automatic that I actually have to sit down and think about how I do them. For example, most of the fonts on my computer have a closed 4, but Galen's math books and all the handwriting programs I've seen have an open 4. I actually had to go look at some papers I had written numbers on to figure out how I was taught to do it, because when I tried to sit down and write out the numbers both ways felt unnatural (because I was thinking about them, of course - ironic isn't it?).

I've decided that when we start formal handwriting lessons I will be doing them with him. That is, I'll be learning to write with my left hand again. My mother said I didn't seem to have a strong preference before starting school, so I suspect it won't be too arduous, and it will help me teach him better if I understand what it's like to write with the left hand when our entire writing system seems geared to rightys.

Today we drove over to my old apartment in Ahwatukee to gather caterpillars for a science project. We have these huge moths out here that are often mistaken for hummingbirds because of their size. I found one of the caterpillars a couple years ago on our driveway and tried to raise it, but he never emerged. We picked up eight off one shrub and they're currently living in an old bucket with a few inches of loose soil from the yard, some water, and an assortment of greens from the part of our yard closest to where I found the other one. Hopefully I'll know tomorrow which of the plants they prefer to snack on - the one I found a couple years ago was looking for a place to bury himself and never ate anything before vanishing into the dirt. These are mostly all smaller than the first one, so they probably have some more gorging to do. Wish us luck!